Plan B is the new Plan A
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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