someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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