We named our party play list daddy issues
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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