I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
