Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
