i think my mom watched the whole time
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
