wanna go halves on a baby?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
