So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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