Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
