Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
