She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
