when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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