Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
