I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
