Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
