its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
