you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
