I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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