Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
