I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
