u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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