bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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