I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
