Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
