Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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