And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
