The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
