A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
