He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
