i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You dont lie about slip and slides
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
