were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
