Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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