Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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