you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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