your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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