i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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