make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
