six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
