Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
