Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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