Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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