I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Bring me that man meat
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
