just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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