Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
