I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
