Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
