i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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