dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Randomize
