I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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