I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
