I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
