As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
