Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
