I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
