i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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