i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
