dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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