Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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