sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
