what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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