I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
