Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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