sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
