I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
