Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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