i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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