he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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