I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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