awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
