I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
