Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
