Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
