...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
