i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
