Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
being pregnant is like rehab
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
