You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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