so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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